Why hello there. I really should be napping, but in the car I started dialoging and actually woke up to a degree. (Dialoging is what I call developing dialogue for stories I should be working on. For some reason it only works when I'm in the car or the shower at this point. But I digress.)
If you're reading this, then we're undoubtedly Facebook friends. If we're Facebook friends, then you should very well by now know that I am addicted to My Little Pony. Don't give me grief here, the show and general attitude of the fandom (love and tolerate) is partly what made me realize two years ago that there might actually be some friggin' hope in life. This last weekend was our local convention called Everfree Northwest. The first day kinda sucked for me because second-year con issues. They've resolved that problem and it shouldn't ever happen again. The second two days were a blast.
A normal person would probably be tired, but still riding that awesome "holy crap that was such a great time!" wave of enthusiasm. The sucky part is, I am not normal. I previously mentioned my depression. To go into further detail, I am dealing with either atypical depression, or have one of the several types of bipolar disorder. Both mean having depression but responding poorly or even in the opposite of what most depression meds would do for a person. It can also mean high anxiety. This would be where the bipolar part comes in: most bipolar folks don't even have the manic highs people generally associate with bipolar disorder. In my case, I vacillate between depressed and OHGOD PANIC.
It's a rather cruddy way to live. I figure the only way I made it through college was adrenalin. Anyhoo, how does this tie in to post-con status? Well, the human body can't really tell the difference between good stress, like being super-duper excited about something, and bad stress, which is, you know, worrying about stuff and being angsty in general. So while big events like a con naturally tire a person out, I am dead on my feet and most likely going to go down for another two-hour nap, third day in a row.
No, this isn't a positive way to start out blogging, but like I said in the first post, I need a record to keep track of my progress. The fact that I'm starting at a pretty low point, well, unfortunately those days just happen. It means I need extra snuggles from my husband, who's been with me since high school and thus understands I have crappy days and can't commit to much in life, but knowing people support and understand you doesn't make much of a difference when you're feeling like a nonfunctional human being. I should mention that I started on a new treatment plan two months ago with meds that, while they aren't backfiring, they haven't taken effect to the point where I'm operating at an ideal level. Not a perfect level, just ideal, which would be like 70% of a normal person to me.
I'm really not intending to complain. My close friends know where I'm at, but basically, I need more boosting. I really do. And by boosting I mean it would be super awesome to just grab a coffee or an ice cream with a friend or three and do stuff with people so I'm not home alone with my two cats all day. Cuz that leads to crazy cat lady syndrome, and we don't want that.
Anyhoo, I think that wraps things up. Tune in next time for some geekery.
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